As the Pizza Geek returns to active duty, it’s time for an update to the rating system. The 1-to-5 ratings mean different things to different people. This is particularly evident when eating with a group. Even if everyone generally describes the pizza in similar terms, the number ratings they come up with vary a LOT.
So let’s make a break from the past. From now on, let’s give letter grades a try, with more specific definitions of their meanings:
- A+ Absolutely perfect, heavenly, awe-inspiring OMG pizza. The stuff of dreams. Not a single flaw, no room for improvement. You would drive many hours for it – and often. No amount of superlatives could properly describe how WONDERFUL it is. Pizza chefs from other restaurants travel here in disguise, trying to figure out how they do it. Perfect pizza is theoretically impossible to achieve due to differing personal preferences, but we keep hoping, dreaming, searching…
- A Excellent pizza. It provides a high level of pizza happiness. You could recommend this pizza to anyone without reservation. Just one small step below perfect, because a true afficionado may be able to nit-pick a minor flaw here or there. Well-worth driving far out of your way, even if you have a pretty good local shop.
- B Reasonably good pizza. Most people would be generally satisfied with it, even though it may have some obvious defects that even non-aficionados can identify. You know you can find better pizza, but this will be do when you’re in a hurry.
- C Disappointing pizza. You take a few bites and sort of grimace, because it’s obvious they’re taking shortcuts and don’t really care about quality. It may have one or more good features, but the bad aspects outweigh the good. If you’re really hungry you’ll finish it, although you’re not happy about it.
- D Lousy pizza. Nothing about it is as it should be. Technically edible, but why bother. It may LOOK like pizza, yet it doesn’t really taste anything like it. Provides ZERO pizza satisfaction.
- F Total FAIL. The very worst of the worst. No self-respecting person could possibly eat this travesty. Wait, was that pizza, or was I eating the box? Theoretically impossible for a pizza shop to exist very long serving this, because so few people are gullible enough to buy it.
I think that A+ and F ratings will be extremely unlikely, so that means future ratings will be A, B, C or D.
What do you think? Will those four grading levels be enough? The first of my new ratings will be published in a few days.